What I’ve Learned (So Far): Reflections from a Pregnant Therapist

As I prepare to go on maternity leave, I’ve been sitting with the many layers of this experience - not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and professionally too. Pregnancy has been full of surprises, not all of them beautiful, and I’ve found myself wanting to share a few things I’ve noticed along the way - both for myself and for anyone else who might be navigating this complex, often contradictory time.

Here are a few things I’ve experienced - and suspect many others do too - that deserve to be named and normalized:

1. Everyone Has an Opinion - and They Will Share It.

From the moment you share the news, people come out of the woodwork with advice, stories, warnings, and judgments. Family, friends, even my dentist! And people who don't have children at all - everyone has something to say.

I have found this to be overwhelming and often frustrating. And here’s the thing: while there are so many ways to have and raise a baby, nobody is going to know what works for you better than you. Nobody knows your body, your home, your routines, your values, or your bandwidth the way you do.

What feels best for you and your family is what’s best. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification for your choices - whether that’s how you plan to give birth, feed your baby, or structure your postpartum time. You don’t need to follow the loudest voice in the room - just the one inside you.

2. Feeling Everything, All at Once.

Pregnancy can stir up a huge range of emotions, often all at once. One moment you’re in awe of your body and what it’s doing, and the next you might feel anxious, uncertain, or completely overwhelmed. And if you’ve had the thought “What have I done?” - me too.

You can feel grateful and still completely undone. Excited and still unsure. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It’s easy to think, “If I feel this way, maybe I’m not ready, maybe I’m not meant to do this.” But emotions aren’t evidence that you’re failing. They’re just proof that this is big, and real, and happening. Feeling deeply isn’t a flaw - it’s a sign that you care. That you’re already in it. That you’re human.

And can we be so for real: it’s easy for everyone else to be excited when all they see is the joy - baby showers, tiny clothes, a sweet little angel coming into the world. But what a contrast that creates when you are experiencing so much more. You’re carrying the physical, emotional, and mental weight of an enormous (and often unknown) transition - and that complexity deserves to be honored.

3. Body Image is Complicated.

Pregnancy can bring up a lot of feelings about your body, even if you’ve done the work around acceptance before. The complete loss of control over how your body feels and looks, what it can do, the way your clothes fit - it's hard. Seriously, never again will I take for granted the pure, underrated joy of rolling over with ease.

And if that wasn't hard enough, it can suddenly feel like your body is open for public commentary - people making remarks about your size, your shape, how you're carrying, or how much weight you’ve gained, like it's somehow fair game. That kind of scrutiny can be jarring and deeply uncomfortable, especially in such a vulnerable time.

It’s okay to notice these feelings without needing to force yourself to love every part of the experience. Being honest about the ups and downs doesn’t take away from the gratitude or the wonder - it just makes the whole process more real.

4. You’re Still You - But Also, You’re Not.

One of the weirdest parts of pregnancy for me has been the subtle shift in how others relate to me - as if I’ve become “a pregnant person” before being me. And to be honest, I’ve even noticed it in myself - feeling less connected to certain parts of my identity, wondering what will come back and what won’t.

I think many pregnant people go through this quiet identity transition - an in-between space that’s rarely talked about. It’s okay if it feels disorienting. It’s okay if you don’t feel like your old self. That self isn’t gone - it’s just evolving.

5. Boundaries Matter - Even When They’re Hard to Set.

Pregnancy and parenthood bring a lot of advice, visits, well-meaning questions, and sometimes unsolicited opinions. Protecting your time, space, and energy by setting clear boundaries isn’t just okay - it’s necessary.

And despite being a therapist who is very well aware of the importance of boundaries, I’m not always good at setting them. And omg, has pregnancy been a true test!

Remember this: you don’t have to be available to everyone all the time, and it’s okay to say no to plans, conversations, or anything that feels overwhelming or draining. Taking care of yourself and your growing family means prioritizing what feels right for you, even if that means disappointing others. Boundaries aren’t selfish - they’re a form of self-respect and self-care.

6. There’s No One Right Way to Do This.

I’ve had to remind myself - over and over - that there’s no gold star for doing pregnancy or parenthood a certain way. The way you prepare, who you include, what you care about, what you don’t - it’s all personal. You bring your own history, instincts, and needs into this.

And also, give yourself permission to get it wrong sometimes. You’ll make choices that feel right in the moment, and some won’t turn out how you imagined. But it's all good, because you're allowed to change course, you're allowed to pivot. Just like your baby is learning and growing, so are you. There’s nothing linear or perfect about it - and maybe that’s the point.

As I step away from my practice for a bit, I do so with a deeper understanding of just how tender, messy, and transformative this time can be. And when I return, I plan to more intentionally support others navigating pregnancy, early parenthood, and all the emotional terrain that comes with it.

If you’re in it now, I see you. If you’re about to be, or hope to be someday - I see you too. There’s no perfect way through - only your way, and that’s enough.

See you soon,

Anya

*A quick note about my leave:

I'll be on maternity leave starting May 26, 2025, and I plan to return to seeing clients around mid-July. Thank you for your understanding and support during this transition!