Why Do We Cry? A Therapist's Take on Tears

Tears have a way of catching us off guard. Sometimes they come in quiet moments - in the car, in the shower, in the middle of a conversation that hits just a little too close to home. Other times, they arrive all at once, uninvited but undeniably honest.

Crying is one of the most instinctive and human ways we respond to emotion, and yet so many of us carry complicated feelings about it. Maybe we were told growing up that it was something to hide. Maybe we learned to associate tears with weakness or shame. Maybe we still feel the need to apologize when we cry in front of others.

So let’s talk about it - what crying really means, why it matters, and how it might be one of the most quietly powerful things we can allow ourselves to do.

The Science of Crying: More Than Just Saltwater

Crying isn’t just emotional - it’s biological. Humans are the only animals known to shed emotional tears (not just tears for clearing out dust or irritants), and that alone tells us something about their importance.

When we cry, our bodies release stress hormones like cortisol. But in emotional tears, scientists have found higher levels of these hormones - meaning crying might literally help us release stress from our bodies. It can also activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the one responsible for helping us calm down after a stressful event. In short: crying can help bring our bodies back to equilibrium.

It’s our body’s way of saying, “This moment matters. Let’s slow down and feel it.”

Why Crying Is Actually Really Helpful

Crying often gets a bad rap. We’re told to “keep it together,” “stay strong,” or “not make a scene.” But here’s what crying actually does:

Crying helps us process and regulate emotion. Tears can be part of how we metabolize grief, overwhelm, frustration, or even joy. Without them, emotions can get stuck in our bodies - and show up later in less helpful ways (hello, tension headaches, irritability, or insomnia). More so, our tears can actually strengthen connection. When someone cries in front of us, and we respond with care, it creates intimacy. It’s an invitation into someone’s emotional world. And lastly, crying signals something important is happening. Our emotions are messengers. When tears come, they’re often pointing to something deeply human: loss, love, longing, injustice, relief.

Debunking Myths About Crying

Let’s clear up a few misconceptions that many of us were taught - either directly or subtly.

Myth #1: Crying is a sign of weakness.

Definitely not. Crying is a sign that you’re emotionally alive and engaged with your experience. It takes strength to feel things deeply - especially in a world that often tells us to numb out and shut it down.

Myth #2: If you cry easily, something is wrong with you.

Some people are more emotionally sensitive - just like some people are more physically sensitive to light or sound. There’s no “right” amount of crying. If it feels like your tears are interfering with your ability to function or relate to others, that’s worth exploring in therapy - not because crying is bad, but because the underlying emotions might need more care.

Myth #3: Telling someone to “stop crying” helps them calm down.

Actually, this often does the opposite. Which brings me to a big one...

When Someone Says “Don’t Cry” - What’s Really Going On

If you’ve ever cried in front of someone and heard, “don’t cry” or “stop crying,” you might’ve felt shut down or misunderstood. As a therapist, I see this happening all the time - and I want to normalize what it actually means.

More often than not, when someone tells you not to cry, they’re not trying to be unkind. They’re struggling to tolerate your pain - because it brings up their pain. It’s not really about you. It’s about their own discomfort with emotional vulnerability.

That doesn’t make it okay - but it helps us depersonalize it.

Here’s what I often tell clients: Your tears aren’t a burden. If someone can’t sit with them, that says more about their limits than your needs. And there are people who can hold your feelings with compassion. Therapy is one place where we practice this - slowly, gently, at your own pace.

Letting Your Tears Speak

In my practice, I’ve seen tears create space for healing — bringing clarity, relief, and deeper self-understanding. I've seen clients soften into themselves, sometimes for the first time in years, simply by being allowed to cry without interruption. Crying doesn't necessarily have to be the goal of therapy, but it’s often a sign that something true is being touched. And that’s something worth honoring.

If you’ve ever felt ashamed of your tears, I invite you to shift the story: What if your tears are wise? What if they’re part of how you heal? You don’t need to “get it together.” You just need space to be human.

Looking for a therapist who honors your full emotional range?

If you’re wanting to explore your emotions, learn how to regulate them (without shutting them down), and feel more grounded in your own story - I’d love to support you. Contact me here to schedule a consultation.

Crying • Emotional Regulation • Vulnerability • Mental Health Awareness • Self Compassion • Emotional Expression • Therapist Insights